Bristol Palin's ascent to the final round of Dancing With The Stars isn't just an abomination, it's an allegory. Anyone who doesn't believe that Bristol's continued success on the show, which is totally at odds with her dancing skills and entertainment value, has more to do with Sarah Palin, politics, and the frightening power of the Tea Party than with any dance factors, just isn't paying attention.Bristol's explanation is that America loves an underdog and that the viewers have voted for her because of her charming innocence, her growth, and her perseverance. This lame story holds that the dancing enthusiasts who comprise DWTS's audience are captivated by Bristol's wooden-legged and stony-faced performances week after week, performances that have persistently lacked energy, precision, grace, and any hint of actual entertainment value.
This is, of course, complete unfiltered nonsense. If the viewing public purely wanted to see a non-dancer evolve into a vision on hardwood, there were plenty of better candidates. Virtually every "star" eliminated up to this point was a better dancer than Bristol Palin, and several of them had no more experience in the ballroom than she had.
Given equal weeks of practice, any of them would far exceed Bristol's performances now. Even David Hasselhoff, the first out, would be closer to Fred Astaire than Bristol is to Ginger Rogers at this point in the competition. And if the main consideration was innocent cluelessness, we could have retained The Situation, who might have had some "acting" experience on Jersey Shore, but actually had less time before live audiences than "teen spokesmodel" Bristol. (As an aside, Bristol and The Sitch have a PSA on abstinence/safe sex that's more entertaining than either of their rumbas or cha chas. You can decide whether his display of magnum condoms is TMI or wishful thinking.)
No, this isn't even remotely about dancing or entertainment. It's about Bristol Palin's mother, who we've seen way too much of, week after week, in video "packages" and sitting with her idiot grin and her first dude in the front row of the ballroom audience.
This is about fans of Palin's anti-intellectual, anti-elite, anti-substance politics. The same folks who find Sarah Palin's failure to name a single book or publication she reads as a folksy connection with "real" Americans, and who accept her claim that she can see Russian bombers from her back porch, find daughter Palin's total lack of talent not as a detriment, but as her prime qualification for winning Dancing With The Stars.
I'm going to make a bold prediction, and I want you to remember that you read it here first. Bristol Palin is going to WIN Dancing With The Stars, and it doesn't matter how many spectacular lifts Derek and Jennifer accomplish or how energetic and frenetic Kyle and Lacey's shimmies are. It stopped being about dancing weeks ago, perhaps when this year's cast was first announced.
I suspect that whatever group, whether organized or spontaneous, that has voted for Bristol week after week, hasn't just kept her alive, but has probably placed her in first more weeks than not. The producers don't divulge that kind of data…but if there's anyone on the inside who'd like to talk, we'd all be fascinated to listen.
Here's the take-home message: Anyone who underestimates Sarah Palin does so at their own peril. Ignore the analysis of how many of the Tea Party candidates she supported at the midterms won or lost, or what the polls are showing about her increased negatives.
The results of the voting on Dancing With The Stars tell you everything you need to know. So here's one more bold prediction, and remember you heard it here first: Sarah Palin will be the next President of the United States. I think we'd be better off with The Situation, but that's just me.